emo

is this what regret feels like?

this gut wrenching feeling of a need to turn back time to undo what i've just done.

it's just numb. muted versions of what they're supposed to be.

the most intense of them all? anger.

//

finding him again is kind of exciting. being reminded of his goodness, grace and mercy, and best of all love in the midst of thoughts of shame, rejection and fear.

all i need is you.

//

random nye

the ideal place to celebrate the new year in the heat is to go to a back beach somewhere in rye with a few crazy friends that have the tendency to do the most crazy things. the place were were at was called london bridge.

after shopping for food which chucky so graciously took charge (with delegation, of course), we proceeded to carry all the stuff to the isolated far end of the beach. the water was cool and it was a relief from the scorching heat. I was intrigued with the lilo, wondering what the boys were going to do with it. Sure enough, they boogie boarded on it. with some getting injured on the sharp, sharp rocks.

as the night drew near and the sun was setting, i climbed up the cliff (london bridge, i assume) and the view was amazing. the tide was low so the rocks underneath was visible. huge waves crashed on them, throwing kelp and other sea plants around. and our little campsite looked so tiny.

when the dark set in, we roamed the blow holes and rock platform for rock pools and crabs. it was fun with the lack of torches amongst the lot of us. we (jamin) caught a crab the size of his hand (a bit big) but at julie's insistence, put it back into its rock pool. on the platform, she cringed as we stepped on some vegetation but surrendered to the fact that it was quite comfortable and was preferable to stepping on baby muscles or sharp rocks.

just as we finished our countdown for the new year, fireworks erupted at a nearby town, thus completing our night. the climb back up the steep ramp was no fun but we eventually got to the cars and headed home.

where my sweet bed was.