conflicted

I know what I have to do.

But I don't want to do it.

Every conversation, every moment I spend thinking about it makes it so much clearer.

I find myself making excuses, justifying it in my mind.

I want to revel in this mudhole I made for myself.

ironman

By far one of the best Marvel movies I've seen so far!

Although there wasn't much to the story, it was fairly accurate to the comics with exception of minor details to make it more modern. The opening scene really set the mood and the reality of it hit home.

The graphics were amazing with all the little scraps and dints in the ironman armour that appeared with battle. It didn't look like something cooked out of a computer.

The last scene with Nick Fury topped it all! Just seeing him come to life from the ultimates comics...it just put it another notch higher for me!

Something worth owning on DVD.

sacrifice

From now, I will not be able to have long nails.

Forever.

Except on holidays.

the month (and a bit) in passing

caught up with an old friend,

attempted murder using my evil, evil hands,

got groped by a moth,

watch someone make faces at me,

was amazed at Kaiwin's sunflowers (still am),

killed a teenage mouse (not with bare hands),

ate lots of cupcakes (yum!),

pretended I was a baby,

got yelled (sung) at through a loudspeaker,

had fun with one of my bestest friends,

had dinner with family,

and made possibly the longest pasta in my entire life.

silent preaching

Why wear a cross around your neck?

I mean, why?

Does it symbolise what you believe in, showing the whole world you are what you say you are without you ever needing to say a word (but once a while, you need to say something)? Or is it to reassure yourself that you are what you think you are despite those thoughts about the woman sitting next to you or what you said to your parents as you stormed out of their house?

Often you forget the symbol you wear around your neck. Just another piece of jewellery. A silver 't' with diamonds encrusted around it, or a plain gold 't' with an image of Jesus nailed on it. Its meaning lost over time due to familiarity, habituation, whatever.

I've stopped wearing mine. I figure as hard it is to live without all the mistakes, I don't need the added pressure to be 'good' Christian in the eyes of the world. Sometimes, stereotypes work in our favour, but most often, they don't.

My dream is to live my life through action with no mention of who I believe in. Then when people find out, they'll be attracted to my inspiration. It's incredibly hard, having to be aware of the implications of everything I do, everything I say, every thought. It's so much easier to ignore everything and live life as I want it to (selfish) but we were made for so much more than that, weren't we?


"Preach the Gospel at all times and when necessary use words"
- St Francis of Assisi

sore week

My arm hurts like hell. But I'm glad it's over and done with.

Also, I need a new back. This one is just plain annoying. (partly my fault since I stacked while skateboarding) It's so hard to find a comfortable position other than lying down. Even that takes a while.

Other than that, I'm glad I can feel pain. Otherwise, I can be prancing around with no arms and not have a care in the world.