merry christmas and here's to many more

It always hurt to be all by myself this time of year
A cold and lonely Christmas eve
Living out my days alone that has been my biggest fear
But you promised you won't leave

I look toward the east and see a star
Jesus Christ has blessed my life
To know just who you are
You are my hope

- relient k

presents!

Apron, check.

Nail care products, unexpected, but check.

Camera, halfway there.

Boyfriend, hmm...

how many times do i push it aside?

Why do I even bother making the effort. This happens to be every time. EVERY f*ing time. Unless of course it falls on a weekend and yours is by default because face it, there's nothing better to do.

I'm not doing anything next year. Nope. Nothing. Taking it off and spending it by myself doing what I want to do. Company not welcomed. Of course I say it now in the heat of emotional chaos, but I do mean it. I really do. It's always take and no giving. Only a few are excepted. Only the ones I count my truest, only to you I speak my absolute truth. Me and my darkness.

//this sounds like an angry emo song//

//in my head//

showers

Can I please stop getting invited to events where there is an over abundance of oestrogen?

// Especially ones that have had babies. //

kisses

Is it jealousy I feel or just the inner desires buried deep in the recesses of my heart?
I'm not quite green but not quite right either.

// This is a weird feeling.//

love

Do you realise that people always say they love their inanimate objects? Facebook updates has spat out 'i love my new tv' or 'i love my shoes'; which begs the question: what is love?

To most people, it is a feeling or connection between two people (or between a person and an object/place/situation). But don't you think if 'love' is so easily gained, would be just as easily be lost? What happens when the feeling disappears or the connection dies? Move on to the next best thing? Many people profess they undying love for a person/object/situation. But are is it really undying?

Love is so much more than just a feeling or connection. Love is active, not passive. Love is exemplified in years of effort and not letting the other person go astray. Love is not envious of others and doesn't exaggerate. Love is not giving up, enduring hardship and sacrifice. Love is hard work but it is worth it. Love is gentle but disciplines. Love is giving without expecting anything in return. Love is unconditional despite flaws and result. It is humans that put up barriers and limitations to love.

I am no expert in love. Far from it. I am a mere novice but I am learning more every day from the one that first showed me what love is. God is synonymous with love; it is his motive in everything he does (John 3.16).

I am created in the image of God, which means that I am created in the image of perfect love. Love is in the core of my identity and I can chose to love.

I chose to love.

(here is a nice article by Jim Palmer from which I may have stolen ideas from)

margins

I don't look at them the same anymore.

Every time I pass one in the street, I wonder about their stories, how they came to be where they are. I can't take my eyes off them. I know some chose to be in that situation, burnt by everything they know to be the staple of society. Others find themselves there out of situational circumstances.

Just the other day I was in the city. A young man from ethiopia struck up a conversation with us and I thought it was a good opportunity. He seemed happy, cheerful, but his eyes betrayed something more. Being in a hurry with no where to go. I didn't know if he was a resident of the city streets or just some guy that just so happens to make friends wherever he went.

Then we passed a soup van. A food van rather. They were handing out sandwiches, packed like they were going to be put on shelves in 7-11. There were a small group of them huddled around, getting possibly their only meal for the day. On the way home, I thought I should have stayed and got to know them.

Matt was right. There are so many excuses we give ourselves so we don't have to stop and get to know them. The poor will always be a part of us and the more we try to rationalise our act of ignorance, the more it will be apparent its issues will be in our society.

All is well when we talk, brainstorm, listen to others talk of their experiences. But unless we actually do something, we are no better than the governments that suck the life out of the people they are meant to protect.

ordinary radicalism

I am inspired:

• to be uncomfortable so that someone else can be comfortable.
• to do more than just put money into a jar to help kids that I'll never meet.
• to look after the people in my own backyard.
• to pay a little bit more so that the person at the bottom of the ladder can do more than survive

Still have yet to finish Shane Claiborne's The Irresistable Revolution. I'm sure I can learn so much more!

nothing is original

easily my favourite song/video at the moment

Oren Lavie - Her Morning Elegance