gravitate collison camp '05

collision camp was a COLLISION of hungry hearts & GOD!

the best place to see what God was doing was upfront, where i was. i saw everyone's faces, their hands lifted up in worship, how much they cried out in hunger. during the last session, i had a glimpse of what God was going to do that morning. i saw people going down on their knees, and a sense of awe came over me. i opened my eyes and saw it come true. (almost) everyone were on their knees in worship.

i think collision 'did its job'. by the end of it, there was some sense of unity between groups. i saw people who never would have talked to the ISZ students laughing their heads of at their jokes. i saw youth talking to adults with such respect/camaraderie i don't think they give their parents.

most of all, i think everyone was changed. now all they have to do is not let themselves slip back into their comfort zones.

it's funny how you can think you can objectively analyse your pain but when you're actually in the midst of its infinately swirling mess, you're lost.

i was talking about somatic pain, but i guess it kind of works with emotional pain.

hmm..emotional pain can be impossibly hard to deal with especially when you've formed some sort of attachment. sometimes, i wish the numbnessbeforepain that follows the initial insult can last forever. the justkillmenow's are not an option.

it's been more than 4 years since both my grandads have moved on. sometimes during my extended family gatherings, i reminisce to the time where yeye used to jingle his change pocket everytime he came home & all of us grandkids would run to him with our palms out (which was just me. i was 5. dan & ling couldn't even walk yet). i want to relive the times where gung-gung pats my head everytime he came over for afternoon tea with a butter cake no matter how many times mum tells him not to buy them. he doesn't eat them anyway. and i run around trying to avoid his palm from ever touching my head.

i remember staring into yeye in his coffin wondering what we would have talked about if i knew how to speak hokkien and what we would have done together (me being the oldest grandchild) if he wasn't so sick in the last year of his life.

i...i miss them. i miss kissing yeye's stubbly cheek. i miss gung-gung's dance whenever i try to tickle him. most of all how the both of them would smile for no apparent reason at me with their eyes looking at things far away, far from reality.

comments:

anGe on 15 september 2005 at 03.31
At least you got to know your Grandpas :o) Smile at the memories that you had.

Freakspace on 15 September 2005 at 08.34I always forget to ask - what does Euphonius Cognitate mean? That is how you spell it...oh, there's meant to be an 'o' somewhere in there now that I look back.
With reference to this post, I've never seen a dead body before. The first funeral I went to was last year. Guess I'm just really clueless...I don't know what hurts, or how bad it can.

Mr. kaiwin on 15 september 2005 at 13.10
testing testing...
i hope this works,
kaiwin

me, i'm right here next to you on 15 September 2005 at 13.15
i'm happy it works!!!
happy kaiwin

G. on 15 September 2005 at 15.42
Heh... yeah, at least with the older folk, it's understandable. Logical order, the older ppl die first. When siblings die at relative young age... completely screws with your way of thinking and everything. However, it's not something you'd wish on anyone. And then, the ultimate 'experience' a parent losing their child...
However, having experienced death within one's family does give you a certain... edge when it comes to helping and talking to others. Kinda hard to related when you've never experienced anything like it I guess. But I ramble... lol

with the terrorist threat hanging over melbourne, everyone's jittery. i had a 20 minute conversation with my friends about where they can target such as the public transport system like in london. the conclusion is that a lot more people will be affected if sydney was attacked because melbourne trains never run on time!

the today, simon & tanya came with their jittery stories, both involving trains. both of them couldn't stop thinking about that conversation until they got off...

comments:

anGe on 13 Septemeber 2005 at 11.00
Terrorist threat? I'm so out of the loop bc I've either been organising Collision 05 OR sleeping due to the fatigue from organising Collision 05!!

G on 14 September 2005 at 00.11
Shouldn't really matter whether trains run on time or not. Peak hour's usually the busiest. And the funny thing is that no matter how hard we are policed, how much of our rights are compromised and our privacy breached... it'd not be very hard to place a bomb somewhere in Sydney or Melbourne...

me on 14 September 2005 at 01.38
hmm..that's is true

Freakspace on 14 September 2005 at 07.02
I don't think it will happen here. I just wanted to say that to be part of the people who can say (when, terrorists inevitably attack somewhere or something in Melb') "WOW! Just think of it! I never thought it would happen..."

kaiwin on 20 September 2005 at 07.16
do you fear death,Deb?
how attached are you to this world?
are you worried that you might be hurt if these rumours are true?
-kaiwin

terrorist act on sept 11

my dad has weirdly dangerous (not to mention messy) ways of doing things. he was cold that morning so he decided to warm the blanket up. after 2 minutes, he smelt something burning & the blanket was smoldering in the microwave. he's sooo smart!

note that it's an airline blanket mum 'accidentally' took from the plane. it's made out of some synthetic material..acrylic, i think.

comments:

Kaiwin on 20 september 2005 at 07.07
i like how you write, Deb!
this entry is VERY funny.
now to read your other entries...
-kaiwin

today has been such a sleepy day. couldn't stop yawning. especially when the supervisor was talking. suchabadfirstimpression!!!

BUT i'm glad they didn't get us to do that many things today. i don't think i would have been able to keep up..me yawning all the time...

YAWN!

comments:

nate on 12 september 2005 at 14.54
eh deb, it's monday... it'd be a foreign feeling to wake up on a monday morning with enough sleep, wouldn't it :P
preach it sister, preach it... let the yawnful mondays be told...

wink and smile!

new moon. looks like someone winking. and smiling. or is missing an eye but still smiling. MAYBE it's just a moon and a star...

it's a beautiful night tonight. the moon was in the perfect crescent with a star above it. kinda looked like someone smiling & winking. apparently, the star moved closer to the moon over the course of the night...or was it vice versa?

cell special was good. organising it wasn't as bad/stressful as i thought it would be. usually, i agonise over who's coming & not. but this time, it ran smoothly. ended a bit earlier than i thought it would but i guess it was expected of a weekday. for some reason, 'so, who do you like?' always finds opportunities to crop up in conversation. this time, it's during show & tell of our favourite toys. it's not even related! BUT it's good to know the people you tell it to will keep it to themselves & not spread it around.

ended up spending the rest of the night with a lot of people i don't know very well..with the exception of ange & mikey. it's nice just to sit & laugh at other people's jokes & not feel obligated to say much. it's funny how a conversation swings from a topic that is insanely idiotic to one as serious as the course of one's life. and i can't get d & t spooning out of my head! allyourfault,ange!!

comments:

nate on 11 September 2005 at 15.52
a lot of people that you 'don't know very well' besides ange & mike... hey! That's just me!!
u were actually laughing @ our lame, lame bantering? :P Ew, ew... stop with the spooning imagery already... *shudder*...

anGie pities Mikey on 12 September 2005 at 03.28
Twas a pleasure hanging out with you :o) Lame bantering is always fun! Can't take life too seriously or else you'll grow old, frustrated and die faster! haha

¹⁹ Remember my affliction and roaming,

The wormwood and the gall.
²⁰ My soul still remembers
And sinks within me.
²¹ This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
²² Through the LORD’s mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
²³ They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
²⁴ “ The LORD is my portion,” says my soul,
“ Therefore I hope in Him!”

Lamentations 3.19-24 (NKJV)

comments:

G. on 06 September 2005 at 22.22
Great verse indeed!

FATHERS' DAY TODAY!!

i gave my dad a kiss on the cheek this morning. nice of secular society to reserve a day in 365 days for dads. somehow, mum worms her way into 'what's your ulterior motive for giving him that kiss?' sheesh!

can't i kiss my dad without an ulterior motive?

comments:

anGe (Homepage) on 07 september 2005 at 10.59
NO! They're old asian men and aren't use to physical affection! So Debbie, what was your ulterior motive? Money? New Car? Intro a special someone to your folks? :o) Just poking some fun!

had the latest of late nights yesterday. terence turned 21 & i smell smokey. that's the last time i'm going to a pub for a friend. no matter how close we are! music was bad, my eyes were itchy & there wasn't enough space to move around. BUT it was kinda cozy.

it was nice of mikey to send us home, but i think i would have fallen asleep if not for bibi staring at me & making engine noises...

i guess many people have questioned their sexuality at some point in their lives. society has such an influence in moulding people to have certain behavioural characteristics because if you have say a certain wave of the hand, you are categorised.

this clip brings a fresh new meaning to being macho (for guys, duh! but i'm definately not one), being a 'manly man'. with God thumping in our hearts, we can be whoever we want to be, outside the limits of societal constructs & views of how a wo/man should be.

enjoy.

the world is a dark and lonely place when the future looks bleak.
everystep is a hesitation
is the the right path?
am i doing things right?

what if i make the wrong turn?
what if i trip & fall?

what if...?