all my life, i wanted to feel like i belong. i think the reason i didn't have many friends when i was younger was this one person. i remember asking if she would be my best friend (we were sitting together, so naturally, i just wanted it). she immediately said no. 'best friends let you down and disappoint' she said. although i craved closeness to someone who was not from my family, subconsciously, i think that was the reason i was on my own.

throughout my life i often look enviously at different friendship groups. i want to be part of them, but i didn't think i have the personality or the capacity to pretend to have all it takes; having it all together. that was because i don't. that was even in a christian friendship circle. for a long time, i've put up a facade.

ever since i joined the gravitate worship team, i felt that i don't have to go looking for someplace to belong anymore. ever since i decided to commit myself to serve God wholeheartedly, i didn't have to make the effort to make friends.

during the church worship retreat a few weeks ago, i was prayed for. i've always thought of myself as a follower, one with little to no qualities to be a leader, despite what everyone else said. and i felt i needed to work hard to keep my place in the team. this was what was said (in my own words):

'don't feel that they'll do fine without you. you are part of the team...the sounds you play produce power. don't doubt what God can do through you...you are a leader. have faith God will lead you.'

those words RESONATES in my soul as they were spoken to me.

they still do.