of black fingernails and red wine

every girl secretly wants to be physically attractive. why do you think so many of us make a fuss about what we wear, how much make up we wear, whether the shoes matches the dress matches the bag matches the hair matches the lipstick.

do you think it’s worth it? being physically attractive? is attention gained worth it?

it leaves you feeling so hollow and unfulfilled when the object of attraction goes away. you think you like him because he gave you the attention you so fully crave but do you know what damage it has already done to you?

a few days later, you watch him dance with someone else and you feel insanely jealous. you tell yourself that he’s not worth your time but you keep imagining yourself in her place. then you realise how silly it all is. he’s not a great dancer. he’s not even good. the way he moved was so clumsy, and she looked so uncomfortable.

you laugh now but then, the pull was strong when he asked, “so, your place or mine?”. it took all of your will to pretend not to hear what he was saying over the loud music pumping out of the speakers above you.

even now, remnant feelings still linger. it surges every time you hear him talk, see him smile. it always subsides. but never completely. this is what frustrates you and everyday, you wonder how you don’t go insane over every little nuance.

he wonders over your self control but he doesn’t know how much it would take for him to push you over the edge and lose it completely.

that which is lost cannot be regained.