the five weeks away from everyone that really knew me did give me some time to myself, time to think things through. i don't think i've resolved any of them but it made me realise how much more i don't know about so many things.
i've gone from knowing what i think i want to sitting on an island in the middle of nowhere. i'm searching for a way to get back to civilisation but there doesn't seem to be any. sure there are people around but they don't know how to get off the island either.
i think it's because i feel alone that i go out whenever i can, living up the life as they call it but that empty feeling, that loneliness, is still there when it all ends. no, i don't crave attention...well, maybe just a bit. everything seems so far way. sometimes, i don't even know how to describe how i'm feeling on the inside.
i have this thing where what i feel on the inside reflects on the outside. but there's a line. how does one be polite when there's a fury raging on the inside or heartwrenching grief over nothing? i don't want to pretend i have it all and present an exterior of calm and collectedness when i don't have it all together and what i'm feeling is on the other extreme.
life is never meant to be easy, i know that; but why does it have to be so damn hard?
2 comments:
Found your container, it's on Bibi's desk. That's sorted out.
Your emo-ness? Well hell, let me sort mine out first.
life sucks
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