i'm so not used to be called auntie debbie....makes me feel so old!!

i met my little nephew, asher, tonight. quite a bright little boy and so cute!! but he hasn't warmed up to me and i only stayed for fifteen minutes because it was late and my cousin had to work the next morning, not to mention having to put him to bed.

my stay in singapore thus far has been hot, humid and wet. it has rain abouy seventyfive percent of my time here. hopefully, it eases up and gives a nicer weather so i can actually go outside without fear of my shoes getting more wet than they already are.

my time here has been booked up so fast! it is now hard to see everyone without double booking and cancelling and everything else in between.

oh well. one week should be just nice, me thinks.

on the first day of christmas...

...deb was found half dead on the couch in the liaus' watching the incredibles after a scrumptious lasagna lunch with fried chicken and punch as she contemplated a future in career of professional bumming.

my last night in bangkok

i went to see dj dimitri from paris on friday night and it was good! i was in the mood for dancing, anyway. the place it was in was quite small so we could move around where we wanted.

for the first time in my life, i tried the long island ice tea and the particular one that i took a sip out of was so strong! urgh. but i amused myself with a lemon daquiri for the night, which was fine.

the company was great! i went with anna, pia, eirik and ammers (a med student from melbourne who just arrived). dinner was pretty average with everyone (except me) stocking their systems up on beer before heading out to polly bar. we were there half and hour early and were the first ones in the door. we had a good time chatting and even met the owner before the crowd arrived and the volume of the music startred going into the level that hurt my ears.

while i was dancing, my elbow was burnt with a cigarette which hurt like when you burn yourself on the stove! the girl who was smoking immediately put out her cigarette, said her apologies and both her and her friend didn't dance anywhere close to us for the rest of the night. it's a bit itchy at the moment but it's not too bad. probably won't leave a scar (it's pretty small).

it was a pretty cool night. my last day was spent well. it was the only winterlike week in bangkok for their entire year and i experienced it. i only got three hours of sleep and i'm so buggered. i mean really. and my ankle hurts because i stepped into the drain hole thing at the bottom of a step outside the clinic. i think i might have damaged my calcaneaofibular ligament because there's a huge (actually mediumsized) bruise in that area.

it seems that i'm getting injured alot on this trip. each, with increasing severity (sort of). i hope nothing else (injurywise) happens to me in the next two weeks.

of black fingernails and red wine

every girl secretly wants to be physically attractive. why do you think so many of us make a fuss about what we wear, how much make up we wear, whether the shoes matches the dress matches the bag matches the hair matches the lipstick.

do you think it’s worth it? being physically attractive? is attention gained worth it?

it leaves you feeling so hollow and unfulfilled when the object of attraction goes away. you think you like him because he gave you the attention you so fully crave but do you know what damage it has already done to you?

a few days later, you watch him dance with someone else and you feel insanely jealous. you tell yourself that he’s not worth your time but you keep imagining yourself in her place. then you realise how silly it all is. he’s not a great dancer. he’s not even good. the way he moved was so clumsy, and she looked so uncomfortable.

you laugh now but then, the pull was strong when he asked, “so, your place or mine?”. it took all of your will to pretend not to hear what he was saying over the loud music pumping out of the speakers above you.

even now, remnant feelings still linger. it surges every time you hear him talk, see him smile. it always subsides. but never completely. this is what frustrates you and everyday, you wonder how you don’t go insane over every little nuance.

he wonders over your self control but he doesn’t know how much it would take for him to push you over the edge and lose it completely.

that which is lost cannot be regained.

okay, so no more free internet so i won't be blogging as often as i have been. at least for the next week or so, depending on whether i have the time to get online or not. no point paying a month's worth of internet for the next one week, right?

looking forward to blogging from another country soon!

nine more days in bangkok before i fly off to malaysia. the time passes so quickly when you're enjoying yourself, doesn't it? i didn't know what to do, where to go when i got here and now, i have so many things planned and so little time to execute them.

i'm starting to be really good friends with the danish students (eirik, anna & pia) that are on exchange here as well. they keep inviting me to go with them to different places and it's good. but then i wonder how i'm going to get back to my little studio apartment when the night ends.

there is a particular street stall where i eat my dinner quite often. the food is good and spicy. the way i like it. but just a few days ago, i got told/i accidently found out that the building where we so comfortable sit with our full tummies is actually a brothel. no wonder they have darkened windows & black curtains. i thought it was an expensive restaurant or some other place of business that is closed at night (because not many people walk in through the doors).

i have never seen so many lady boys! you'd think at first glance that they are women. if you move your gaze only a few centimetres downwards, you can see that they have adam's apples and no breasts. but they're so feminine! only in thailand, i'd say.

ahh, the joys of travelling alone. i really should do that more often.

crocs. and lots of it. oh and elephants too. i went to see them yesterday at samphran elephant ground & zoo. i had fun with a baby elephant, watched some crocs, fed some crocs and fed fish twice! i have never seen so many catfish fight over bread! some were gigantic!

it was really nice of the students to take me around and be pay for most things (especially meals...which is still cheap to me). the thing is, i kind of feel bad because they're going out of they to do almost everything with me. and i get the feeling that they don't want to impose and tell me to pay for stuff. it is hard trying to keep up with everything they pay for. and i kind of feel bad if i want to do something and they have something else planned.

less than two weeks in bangkok and i have to make the most of my shopping experience.

oh, and enjoy the video. might scare some of you scaredycat types.

i'm talking to my brother and i think i just realised how much i miss talking to him. i know he'll probably read this but that's okay. i really do like talking to my brother about practically nothing and everything under the sun.

i can't wait to meet up with him and have our normal bickerings.

okay. i'm officially homesick. i didn't realise it until now. i went to watch déjà vu with some thai students and i guess when the movie finished, i really did expect to stand up, look around and see ange or anita or tuan or someone i usually go to the movies with. i really miss not trying to modify the way i talk so everyone will understand me and trying to make out what they are saying.

but other than that, i'm having a good time. i met three students from denmark (one of them is actually from norway, he's just studying in denmark). it was nice talking to them and hearing their stories. and when i was with them, i had the worst thai food. not elaborating, so don't ask.

yesterday was the thailand's version of father's (not fathers') day. it seems that they thai people view their king as the father of the nation so everything was about him. his signature colour was yellow as blue was his wife's. monday was designated 'yellow shirt day' and friday was 'blue shirt day'. well, gift (a thai student, pronounced gip in the thai accent) told me that wherever the king goes, the people will follow. she means literarily. you wouldn't believe how many people were there to see the king at the parade! i mean like swarms and swarms of people...like if u2 were to do a parade in melbourne, i magine how many people will turn out just to get a glimpse of them.

we did a lot of walking yesterday. i walked around thamasaat university (another major tertiary centre besides mahidol uni). i was abit iffy about going into a temple but i did and it was really quite pretty. didn't like the buddha statues tho. then we explored three shopping malls, all placed next to each other. and they were HUGE!! my feet still aches.

about the transports in bangkok, i did ride a 'ferry' a few times. scary things, really. there's a lack of protection between the seats and the water. oh, and a tuktuk. even scarrier. here's a video to prove it. it's actually not as scary watching it compared to sitting in one.

bangkok: second day

twas a hot winter's day when i got driven for an hour and a half to the floating market in (this place is harder to spell than to pronounce). hot winter = 30 odd degree day. yells were heard as thai vendors tried to sell their wares. they all look pretty much the same to me. i ran into a japanese tv presenter quietly making her speech while someone held a ruffly umbrella over her head.

the boat i was in was stuck in a boatjam for roughly 5-10 minutes. once we got out of that, however, the waterway was relatively free. then i ran into her again.

frankly speaking, i was quite hot and tired so i can't tell you much about what i saw. except for teaspoons made out of coconut shells. they were cool. i'm at my sudio apartment right at this moment and the airconditioning isn't cooling me. it's set at 16 degrees and i'm still sweating like a pig.

bangkok: first day

the flight from melbourne to kl was so amazingly bad that i threw up in the last five minutes before landing. i haven’t done that in five years. i didn’t feel so well & I ended up having a cherry ripe for breakkie, a stick of 6 small porkballs & a spoonful of sweet glutinous rice with three pieces of mango for lunch and a huge hotpot of food for dinner.

i stressed all the way from melbourne to bangkok because the people i have been communicating with thought i landed on the 3rd when I specifically told them it was the 2nd. true enough, the weren’t there BUT i really thank God for his divine intervention because i met siree, esther’s friend from trinity college, her brother ? and her friend tang who went out of their way to make sure I was alright!

the drivers here are scary. i sat in a taxi which drove 500 metres in the middle of two lanes, cut in and out of traffic without once signalling and tailgating practically ever single car that drove in front of him. i kept my eyes on the address i was heading to the whole time, only looking up when he stopped to ask for directions (?!). taxi colours range from blue/red to fluro orange. and some taxis were hotpink! esther would have loved it if she wasn’t all pinked out.

after spending all morning stressing, i went to get a thai massage. it went for two hours. oooohhh…i've been waiting for that for a long time. and it was the first time i heard my back go crack in three different places all at once! however, i was told that they weren’t really professionals. kind of figured it out when they were giving me a face/head massage and a part of my face went a bit numbingly funny.

i’m meeting with my someone tomorrow. apparently there was a miscommunication somewhere and my accommodation was not booked. hmm…inefficiency, indeed. but before that, off to the floating market at 7am! whoopdeedoodah.

when i wish i was the flash

on the corner of ferntree gully road & princess highway stood a blondhaired midtwenties lady with a sheet of white cloth, waving it at passing motorists.

'beer money needed. please donate'

make poverty history concert

no cameras allowed. i KNEW i should have smuggled in mine inbetween some clothes.

great night, awesome company, loads of people and EVERMORE! how did i get so crazy over a single band? probably because of anita. you got me hooked!

but a friend did get a camera in so no fear! there will be photos coming up sometime in the near future, but obviously, not right about now.

when we got into line, i realised that i had left the tickets stuck on my wardrobe door. bad mistake. dan drove them all the way into the city for us (thankyouthankyouthankyou!!) just in time for the line to start moving. phew!

the night was cool but with people all around, a jacket was not neccessary. neets & i jumped around, sang along, shimmied and waved our glowsticks in the air with gusto when evermore came on, when jet chewed gum, when eskimo joe had red wine (not literarily, of course! who could forget the drunk bob evans?) and played with black fingernails. we conserved energy between bands, ate eggandmayo sandwiches, tried untying jonesy's laces without him noticing, tried tying rickshaw's laces together faster than he can undo them, slept (yes, we slept) and got lost in the crowd trying to find our way back to base camp.

in all, it was a fun night which i would do again if given the opportunity. well, i'll smuggle my camera in the next time i do this sort of thing.

will update with photos when i get them from jonesy.

love letter

it is great seeing you again. we talk as if it was yesterday i saw you last, as if no time has passed. it seemed natural for us to pick up where we left off, dual tasking as we talk, laugh and sympathise. sometimes, it seems our situations have pulled us further apart when we're not together but tonight, it feels like we're closer than ever.

i really wish i could see you more often. msn can be interpreted in so many different ways. a phone call is never the same. emails are so impersonal and handwritten letters don't quite convey how i feel.

i hope you keep me in mind when we're on different ends of the earth. i'll keep you in mine.

another year older

i have never been sung 'happy birthday' to so many times before. how many times, you ask. four in three days. FOUR!! wow. it so happens that my church celebrated its fifty-fifth anniversary today as well. and i'm really really glad that it was not 'happy birthday to church AND DEB!'

i had a really great time at my birthday party last night. this was the first party i've organised without help from my parents. i co-organised it with a really good friend and it was great! and with all great parties, there is a theme and mine was childhood ambitions. most people dressed up but i was disappointed with the ones that didn't. great night nonetheless. prizes did go to the best dress genders (or ones that i thought made the most effort).

an early start (8am) to the day and the constant motion all day left me utterly exhausted towards the end of the night. falling asleep on the couch with everyone still around was kind of my highlight (obviously sarcasticly speaking). i only woke up to say my goodbyes before going back to sleep for the rest of the night.

it was a full day today. another early start to celebrate my church's fifty-fifth anniversary. it was an extended service and i didn't pay any attention to the preacher at all. i was minding the cd's with the guys and we had a good chat on relationships from the opposite gender's perspective. this just reminded me i have to get the cd.

i had two cups of coffee today to keep awake. one instant coffee to make it through the morning & a short black after lunch to last me the rest of the day. worked pretty well. i'm wide awake now and my contacts irritation levels are slowly creeping up.

supper was with people i don't normally hang out with (with exception of you, cinderella) and it was good. i got to know a few people a little better. worked out well since all twentyfive of us wouldn't have fitted into the ultrasmall vietnamese 'restaurant' we all wanted to go to in the first place.

the night ended with me unable to keep my eyes open as i type this.

light up ahead

take this heart of darkness
i give it up
and all this emptiness
you fill it up
the times that i feel nothing
you bring enough
so i can live for something
you lift me up!

and all these bad dreams
i wake up to the light
and when i can't see
i wake up to your eyes

wake me up
there's a light up ahead

- waking ashland

gravitate only one

fourteen members

seven days til the launch

five singers

three guitars

two keyboards

only one

6pm 25 burton ave clayton 3168 australia

the past few weeks have been very busy for me in terms of studies, clinics and preparing for the camp and launch.

overflow camp last weekend was great. zoran spoke to us about extravagance and how we are called to be extravagant in everything we do. he also talked about dreams and its intepretation.

i guess one of the prayers was answered in that the camp wasn't a high but a stepping stone to a new level. i didn't feel like it was hyped up although i did feel quite sore the the few days after that. all to do with the rock climbing i did and how unfit i am.

i got to watch the stars on sat night with neets. it was great. and cold. we were both swaddled in her doona and i didn't have enought. God cleared the sky so the stars were quite bright. we picked a very darks spot near the path that was used to go to the campfire so we waited a while for someone to come up and poke us with a stick. ben and lovey came with a torch instead. very bright.

this is my third time to phillip island adventure resort and i must say that the giant swing doesn't give me quite the same rush of adrenaline. i must be getting used to it. hmm...need to fine another source of cheap but safe adrenaline rush.

then to a gig. i haven't been to a proper gig in awhile so i quite enjoyed evermore. the hampdens and the bob evans band supported them. didn't quite enjoy bob evans but i thought the harmonica bits were good. reason why? well, i did like a few songs he played but i think he was quite drunk. he had a bottle of wine which he drank off after every song. maybe because he was the second support act and everyone was tired of standing and waiting for evermore to come out that they started boo-ing him. it seemed as if he wasn't going to get off the stage until he finished his bottle of wine. and so it dragged on.

the hampdens weren't too bad. rickshaw really did love the lead singer (which was female) and so neets kept yelling "rickshaw loves you" when there wasn't any music and she was taking a drink. neets was excited also because they were supporting john mayer when he's down in melbourne.

i didn't know that the evermore band members were related to each other! i especially like peter, the bassist/keyboard player. it was actually fascinating how the keyboard moved like and extension of himself. it being thin and light was probably a good thing. he lifted it above his head a few times and moved it across the stage throughout the songs he played on it. my eyes were on him most of the time until anita wanted to go towards the back because the sound was hurting her ears. then i lost sight of all of them because i was short and there were a lot of tall people in front of me.

the only reason i regret moving to the back is when the drummer pulled out the eukalalee. argh! it was then i wish i was still at the front stuck between the sweaty bodies of screaming girls.

i had earplugs on so that helped a lot.

look at the stars, look how they shine for you

last night, i sat under the stars. except there was a huge cloud cover. so, no stars. i should rephrase that, shouldn't i?

last night, i sat under some clouds talking to some girl friends. the weather was beautiful. were were snug under the doona we brought along and there was a slight breeze in the air. mind you, it was after midnight and our stargazing expedition was foiled by cloud cover and proximity to the light pollution from the city. but we still had a good time.

as anne/cheryl always said, the best time to milk someone is when they're tired.

we all got milked.

haha.

i had the weirdest dream last night.

i just got off the tram and i can't remember how i got out but when i did, it was a laneway where trams never go because there simply are no tracks there. even buses don't go in there. anyway, there were shops around me with neon signs from hongkong. when i turned around, the tram was no were in sight, disappeared without a sound. turning back, the neon signs disappeared. things started to look a little familiar as i walked.

i was in the basement of royal melbourne hospital, where the student lockers were relocated and massive amounts of construction are currently going on. there were a few people sitting on my left. as i went about my business, someone called my name. i looked to my left and there was peaches and tangerine's ex sitting beside a stairwell and a dent friend.

next thing i knew, i was sitting beside peaches. i don't remember the topic of conversation but there were lots of laughter. then someone needed tissues. i reached into my pocket and pulled out some. for some reason, i also had a wirecutter in my pocket. you know, the one orthodontists use to cut the wire that so artfully make your teeth straight. it was made out of iron but it was so shiny!

then peaches exclaimed something (i don't remember, okay? it was a dream) and pinched my cheek. and you know when you try to stop someone pinching your cheeks, you suck them in and they make a noise?

well, that kind of blended in with the noisy beeps of my alarm clock.

i can't wake from this dream where my housemate cut my hair. as a result my fringe is a tad too short and i have no love for short fringes.

in this dream, i go to sleep and wake up hoping that i didn't let her cut my hair. it has been three days of slumber.

will my prince charming wake me up?

tangerine

maybe i still have a thing for him after all these years. i've just been thinking about how comfortable i am around him. no need to be up on my feet all the time. the things we talk about just crop up out of the blue and it can be the weirdest of topics in the most unlikely situations especially when we're alone together.

laughter.

then a friend raised the fact that he's pretty free. free in terms of nothing tying him down. not talking about people. i'm talking about a permanent job, the things he wants to do. would i get frustrated with him?

i like to think i do things on impulse but that not very often. i don't have much opportunity to do that sort of thing with uni and church commitments. i'd like to be able to go places and do things in the heat of the moment.

but i also like a bit of planning. i love filling out my diary with things to do, places to go...assignments to hand in (ugh!). i like filling out my schedule with things to do so i'm always on the move, meeting people, talking/listening, giving massages.

then again, would he need a stable person who'll balance him out? bring him back from the clouds to more of a ground level? i don't know and probably will never know these things.

sometimes i feel so desperate. why isn't this happening now? why aren't things happening they way i imagined it to go? why does life feel like a drag sometimes and everything i do just weighs down on me so much?

tangerine, i wish sometimes you'd get me. and do something. quick. i wish i could express to you in words what i feel. and not feel. i wish i have the strength to keep my heart.

i wish...

i am in love

a few weeks ago, while missing the convenience of having a piano to play on, i explored billy hydes flemington and came across this beautiful synth. me being me, i tinkered.

my hands ran over the smooth black finish, untouched by dust. its screen glittered at me with its soft light. gingerly, i tapped one of the buttons. my fingers reached down to the keys and i played a familiar sound. a couple of sales assistants came and asked if i needed help with anything. i said no. they pretty much left me alone. alone with this beautiful black beast!

ah, the love! i wish i could have stayed there forever if it were not for my aching legs and the amount of work i have to go back to.

now is the dillema of whether to save up to buy this, an amp, stand & a hard case with wheels or for a car so i can get around...

post script (30.08.06); this is the new korg TR76 if you can help me get it, it'll be great.

so i wore my first scrubs today. most probably the last time. but it was so cool! I think the only thing is that had a huge top. i mean HUGE! but other than that, watching someone sear the skin with a metal rod, watching the living heart beat in a chest held open with three pieces of metal, watching the heart slow to a stop as potassium poisons it, then restarted with those paddles…wow.

we were made to stand in the corner while prep was going on and we got a pretty good view of the indwelling catheter going in. ugh! prepping went for a good half an hour. the nice anaesthetist called us over and our observation of cardiac surgery from there.

there were some med students there as well and the anaesthetist was asking a whole lot of questions about the patient’s blood gases and we student physios answered most of them. that resulted in his constant invitation for us to do medicine. ahh…no.

in an otherwise great day, it’s really tiring watching surgery.

oh, another one of the perks?

free toast.

did you know?

there are only 3 types of soup stock on shelf at safeway. chicken, beef and vegetable.

i think i saw lamb but i’m not sure.

and what on earth is in vegetable? every known vegie? just cabbage or some vegie we’ve never heard of or even eaten?

pork? Has anyone heard of pork soup stock? i know mum’s done that. and how about a more exotic ones, like duck or kangaroo soup stock?

or…grass?

i made my first spaghetti marinara today. Maybe a bit bland. i think i should have marinated the seafood before adding it to the tomato mix…

Oh, well. At least it’s edible. i’ll know tomorrow if i did something wrong

p.s. (02.10.06) nothing went wrong. no need to call the ambulance.

p.p.s. (02.10.06) if something did go wrong now, the marinara is innocent.

bright and early one morning...

'i love you,' he slurred, holding a jim bean in his right hand. the smell of alcohol wafted in her face as he walked past.

she smiled. she considered stopping but continued on her way.

what would have happened if she stopped to talk to him?

current condition

no one likes to be accused of any wrongdoing.

this is exactly what happened to M, N and i when we went to 'observe' a certain pulmonary class at a certain hospital. i never liked the hospital or the suburb in the first place so i obviously didn't want to be there, but the hospital i'm at isn't running any of the classes at the moment. hmm. i think there's going to be lots of confusion here, so let's call my current placement hospital A and the place i don't like hospital B.

so, anyway, we had to go to hospital B to watch a class. but when we got there, we were handballed to a grade 1 therapist (who was by the way, the nicest person i've ever met in that hospital) without much of a grunt, then got given a patient each by the grade 3 supervisor (since i've started using aliases, let's call her C) lands on each of us a patient to look after. AGAIN, without any briefing at all. we then had to follow the patient around and watch them exercise and tick their boxes off.

my patient was nice. she was from the UK so she had this crisp british accent. we went around doing her exercises. then we came upon the arm weights where she told me she did the blue ones last week. would you believe her? of course, that was what i did. it was after all her 5th or 6th week there and my first time. so i gave here the blue weights which were 1.5 kg, sat down and watched her exercise.

along came C who checked her weights and talked to her. she explained the colour of the weights she did to C as she did to me. i checked her sheet and she was prescribed 1 kg weights. the patient tried to explain but C just dismissed her and gave her the 1 kg weights. fine. so we continued with the exercises.

at the end of the class, she told us to stick back because she wanted to talked to us. after she finished herding everyone else out of the room, she proceeded to blast us with how we shouldn't change the exercise prescription because they were all carefully calculated using this 'formula' and we should check with her if we wanted to change the 'carefully calculated exercise prescription' before changing it. she ranted on how important it is to watch the patient and make sure they're doing it right, blah blah blah. this was when i found out that N miscounted the reps the patient was taking care of. such a trivial thing.

i could see where she was coming from. they had a collapse a few days before and sure no one wants that to happen again. it's not really what she said but how she said it and how she looked at us. i got the impression that she didn't think much of students and after that incident, it's even lower. it's like she's doing us a really really huge favour by teaching us. well, look at your job description, woman! teaching is written in!

but that's not the end of it.

she called up my supervisor at my current placement on monday morning and accused us of being uninterested and having unprofessional behaviour, then proceeding to demand an apology. i was on my way to sending her an apology but after that, i don't think so. i was going to go as far as excusing her for her behaviour towards us but this is the final straw. accusing not one but all three of us is totally unacceptable especially when M didn't do anything wrong.

my dilemma is whether i should just swallow my pride and apologise for the things she accused me of or totally ignore that demand and ruin it for the other students that are going there to 'observe'. that or confront her about it and possibly get blackmarked for the rest of my career as a physiotherapy student as well as ruining it for all the other students that are going to 'observe'.

please tell me, what is the secret to weakness?
what is the mystery of desperation?

31.07.06

i have spent three nights at my new place. and i'm loving it! i eat what i want when i want and i'm concentrating on my work more than i have at home! bearing in mind that i have one housemate around and she's pretty passive and doesn't walk around the house a lot and the other housemate who's up in queensland, being treated to the nice warm sun by her boyfriend (i still don't know much about her). oh, plus my room is at the end of the flat so not much happens at my end anyway...well, except when someone goes to the toilet. i can hear that.

more later. i don't have internet at home.

i got my keys today! excited and apprehensive. wondering how i'm going to deal with the yet unknown housemate.

can you prescribe a way to die alone? -zao

"i want to encourage and give hope whether it's to people who were born Christian or people who never considered God. i'm not trying to convert anyone, but i want to tell people how great i feel. that's why my songs aren't just, 'oh, my girlfriend broke up with me and i'm jealous of her new boyfriend.' i want to tell people God is love. That's my eternal, unchanging reality."

[aaron weiss of mewithoutYou]

today...

they were laughing as the train pulled to a stop.

the doors beep open.

leisurely, he stood up and slung his bag over his shoulder. she was still spooning icecream into her mouth. he faced her, as if to pose, then bent down to pick her school bag up and slung it over the same shoulder.

they made their way off the train just before the doors closed. she danced around him on the red tiles as they made their way to the creaky escalators.

i wonder if she had to ask him or did he do that out of love?

photos for the cross & beyond are up! thanks to all participants in making it a great night especially those who built the different stages, the cooks and teck who did a superb job being beaten in almost 10 scenes over two nights. well done!

click on the picture to get the rest of it.

she remembers.

she remembers sitting next to him. her adoring eyes were almost always looking at what he was doing. he asked to borrow a colour pencil. happily, she placed her box between them.

she remembers one day after recess he wasn't sitting in his seat anymore. she kicked up a fuss and wanted to sit next to him. she was told she had to sit in this new place. she looked next to her and saw no one she knew.

she remembers looking over to where he was sitting. he was getting comfortable with another.

thus was her first disappointment.

FINE, she silently screamed. you don't get to share my colour pencils with me.

she remembers getting on with her life.

slave to control

we as humans are hardwired to want to control the environment around us. in Genesis, God gave man control over all the animals and plants on earth (Gen 1.28). because God gave us control, over centuries, man invented equipment of comfort like chairs, electricity and light, cars, computer, internet, etc.

BUT there's a downside to all the control. the results are not perfect. there's pollution in the air. the ozone layer is thinning. the environment is out of control and getting worse (not that it was in our control in the first place). and because we are humans, the desire to control to spills over from relationships to careers, from finances to everyone we encounter. but we all know that we can't control life and where it takes us.

the surge (young adults) group is doing a six week study on exodus and the introductory lecture was fascinating. in life, people exercise control by:

1. storing up things (i.e. egyptians with tombs filled with treasures hoping that they will follow them into the next life and the more the better the next life is going to be)
   
2. consolling ourselves with pleasure (by distracting ourselves from the fact that we have no control whatsoever of our lives)
3. becoming pharoh/man-god (where self is the centre of the universe)

moses in Exodus tries to get God to define himself when he encountered the burning bush but God can't be defined by us. "i am what i am" he said (exodus 3.14, NKJV). the funny thing is, moses tried to do the right thing by his people when he killed the egyptian to save his own countryman from a certain death (exodus 2.11-12). but he was doing it in his own strength. God appeared to him in the desert where it's dangerous and where trying to make a living in a place without a steady supply of fresh water (such as the nile) can literarily kill you.

during the time israel was slave to egypt, the thing holding them back was the relative comfort of living close to fresh water was. eventhough they had squatters for houses and working conditions were absolutely terrible, the had a steady supply of food. in the desert, it's tough and hard to live.

the challenge? am i willing to travel from the safety of where i am to where God is in the desert where it is tough to live?

i don't know. i know that if i tried with my own strength, i will most definitely fail.

grace

sometimes listening to another share about their relationship with God during on of the devotion sessions before gravitate, i get struck down with with bouts of jelousy. everyone else's walk is so much better than mine. but the grass is always greener on the other side, isn't it?

there are lots of stuff that i know in my head but have never really lived it or felt it. one of which is God's grace. 'my grace is sufficient for you' (NIV)/'my gracious favour is all you need' (NLT) [2 cor 12.9] has always been just a phrase from the Bible. never really meant anything to me until two weeks ago.

it was the last week of my clinical placement and my supervisors previously told us that they mark our continuous clinical assessment (CCA) marks in the last two to three weeks of the six week placement. when i got my feedback at the end of week five, i was more than a little worried but i figured that i could get my marks up to the passing level by the end of the last week.

THEN i was sick for half of monday and all of tuesday so there was no showing my stuff then. on top of that, i had a clinical exam on the wednesday and the final feedback was on thursday! absolutely no way i could do enough to bump my marks up. based on my descriptions, my friends thought i aced the exam. i wasn't so sure.

i was neglecting my relationship with God for about two weeks prior and knowing i had no right to ask Him and expect Him to come to my rescue, i did. i failed really badly last year due to a mixture of an overly strict supervisor who marked me at a graduate level and not as a third year and a lack of time spent studying on my part. i really didn't want to fail again and have physiotherapy closed off as a career path.

it was then that i truly knew what Godgiven grace was. i more than passed the clinical component of neurological physiotherapy. it's so easy to just attribute this to the supervisors being 'nice' because i was sick or me, being the genious that i am, scraped through the end all by myself.

it was definitely not me, i can tell you that. definitely an intervention by a higher power, the big guy upstairs.

that's it! i got a date i'll be moving out. 22nd july. lessthanamonth! i'm excited!

okay. i can be bothered to post this picture up. but not bothered enough to take a picture of my other hand. so this is what you'll get. try and guess which hand it is. the first correct answer wins a massage from me! claim it on friday/sunday if you see me around. not applicable to those who do not know me...or rather, if i don't know you personally, your comments won't be wasted because i'll read them, but you won't be able to claim a massage from me. um, if you don't understand what i just said, excuse is in the post below. i don't think i quite understand what i said either.

i hate being sick

sick today...well, actually, sick for the whole weekend but being sick today is the one that really counts. like being able to miss the second half of the clinic day so i didn't have to stay and take part in the 'selfstudy' time before the absolutely meaningless stroke discharge meeting and the physio inservice which is unbelieveably boring at times. oh, wait. that was cancelled and everyone could go home at 2.30 instead of 3.45pm. oh, goodie. i left at lunchtime, anyway.

last night i saw jesse mitchell (anita/ange, let me know if this is not his last name) perform. jack johnson/pete murray type music. pretty good. but i was tired and being sick didn't help either. but i'm glad i went. got to learn what guys' issues with girls are.

i just realised my thought processes are a little wonky this morning. i called my patient 'she' in front of him.

[jesse]

i had my first double espresso at four today. my first cup of caffeine this year. in a long while. i think it was too much caffeine in one cup. i felt all weird, like the world was surreal but real at the same time. wow. i'm still feeling it. i had a heart rate of 98bpm when i was taking the train home. that's normal, you say. actually, my normal heart rate is 70pbm. 98 is pretty high. i tried to sleep then remembered that caffeine is a stimulant so trying to sleep wasn't such a good idea. instead, i amused myself counting the seconds the snoozing lady opposite me could keep her elbow up on the ledge on the train before sliding off and waking her. record? nineteen seconds. so every five to nineteen seconds, she wakes up. funny? yes, i thought so. did that ALL the way home. shows you how high i was.

actually, i think i still am. high, i mean. don't know if i'd be able to sleep tonight. oh, well. at least i'll have time to actually look for a two bedroom place. speaking of renting, i met my prospective housemate today. that was where i had the double espresso and the reason i feel so high at the moment. she seems nice. and yeah, she needs a bigger place. her studio apartment is literarily a shoebox. and her mum seems to think i understand her flurry on mandarine. i just nodded and smiled a lot.

things are looking up.

oh, by the way, the word 'high' makes up 1.7857142857142857142857142857143% of this post. that's how high i am. hmm...make it 2.1428571428571428571428571428571%.

my first lino burn

i fell on the stairs...again. thankfully, not down the stairs. my hip still twinges now and again from that tumble. no, this is while i was running up the stairs, late for a case conference put on by some registrars. trying to be only fifteen and not sixteen minutes late, i tripped and fell forward in front of the lobby full of people waiting for the lifts. it's the lifts' fault. it took so long for it to come down to the basement that i took the stairs. i think a blister is going to form on my right hand. sigh.

update (05.06.06): it's a whole lot darker now that the scab's formed. will probably post a picture in the future if i can be bothered taking one.

guys/girls night at focus

of all the days i didn't have my camera...

today i witnessed a 1 year old get dropped on his head by his mum...well, not literarily dropped. more like fall out of his pram onto his head while his mother tried manouvering his pram out of the lift and then swore so loud that people at the end of the melbourne central platform 4 could hear her clearly.

then a 60ish year old grandma with greying hair wearing a miniskirt. with skinnylegged black tracksuit pants. trying to make sure her granddaughter's new blackandplum sneakers were in good condition and value for money. she did look good from afar.

these few weeks have been a rollercoaster ride. the extension of the house is done with exception of the light switches and power points. i have a new bathroom but it's not finished yet. the tiles look better than i thought it would be. except that mum wants to put up a whole lot of stuff like a mirror cabinet that juts out of the wall like a mounted cupboard...it's too far out. what can i put in there? too many shelves, too deep.

last week, i finished two assignments within a few days of each other. the second one i finished in four days. i'm so proud of myself. the best work yet. on the day i handed it in, i realised i forgot to put an outline of my health promotion. oh well.

physio ball. a night of alcoholfree fun! well, for me anyway. only rosey and i didn't drink...and max. but we had fun nonetheless. lots of dancing between mains and desert and a whole lot more after. the 'anything australian' theme was really tacky and weird costumes came out of that. a girl made an appearance dressed as the baxter detention centre, a first year as a giant aussie thong, girls with the aussie flag as a skirt, pat as a can of VB beer, another as in a floppy milo hooped suit...sigh. some guy came in a full length bodysuit; i assume he was dressed as ian thorpe...a black ian thorpe. some came in footy gear and yet others came in the 70s version of tennis players with tight white shorts and wooden racquets. ahah!! i wish i took a photo of them.

ugroup wars. WE WON!!! we won by 1900 points!! started out with a friendly dinner before the actual battle began. we were off to a slow start with the SUPERHEROES taking the first kill with their creative chant (mikey, your dancing inspired me...that bumshaking you did, delicious!) but we owned them in dodgeball not once, but TWICE!! it was a close call with captain's ball but we did it! bragging rights are ours!! and they have the nerve to call us SUPERPEANUTS!

where did the assignments fit in, you ask. between these two coloured events, i answer. i actually managed to finish it on the sunday morning, rushed to officeworks to get it bound, then had a great lunch at anita's and then to gravitate. quite the busy weekend, i had.

now, it's onward to the next one!

i have to get to bed to have enough sleep so i'm not yawning in front of my patients tomorrow.

BUT

i am high on adrenaline, trying to finish up a problem list that's due tomorrow, coax my one thousand word essay into a two thousand word assignment before thursday and start my health promotion assignment on exercising fat kids by reading the onehundredandone articles i've found (okay, it's only a dozen. i have been known to exaggerate. you should know that by now) and writting a proposal for a community program by monday. in between all these, i have to fit in the physio ball, a friend sleeping over as well as dealing with the stress of having no bathroom as of tomorrow, a mother who's up to her ears in deciding on floor and wall tiles for her bathroom, a father who has heavy footsteps that wake me up when i'm on my way to dreamland and moving out of my room so the builders can polish my floor.

i just spent more than two hours at a shop selling tiles and flooring and the like.

TWO HOURS!!

took me less than half an hour to go through the entire shop and decide on the wall and floor tiles i wanted for my bathroom/toilet. the rest of the time was following mum around and giving my opinions on different combinations of different tiles.

sigh. she still hasn't made up her mind on what she wanted. i think she's going to go back there tomorrow and have another look around. what's more, she chose the more expensive wall tiles, all more than $30. one of the wall tiles cost $39 each. so expensive.

but i can confidently say that my future bathroom will reflect me. grey shades with bits of black.

today i sat next to a woman who braggardly claimed to be the cousin inlaw of shannon noll who kept muttering about goodness knows what. try as i may, i couldn't escape her in the crowded train. sigh.

tell me, who openly proclaims to strangers left right and centre that they are very remotely related to a popstar? even if i know a famous person's relative, i don't think i would brag about it to total strangers let alone people i know...well, i'll brag about it to people i know.

no idea where this post is going.

as i sat in my room, i heard yelling.

so i turned the music up.

running away isn't the answer.

then it occured to me:

are my parents staying together just for the sake of appearences?

the veronicas

i thought it would be good for me to experience the otherside to singing since all the gigs i've gone to were of guys (i.e. switchfoot, anberlin, etc) so when the opportunity came along, i went to see the veronicas.

but before i give any praise, i must give my critique. or rather, i'll mix them up. for a cross between pop and rock...sortof a more grungy version of pop, if you will...you would expect some sort of a costume change and a toilet break or, but there was none of that sort of stuff. not to say it's a plus thing to have a costume change or anything...but my perception was that girls tend to want to change a whole lot more than guys. obviously, these young twins didn't see the need for that and i applaud them.

then again, there won't be a need for a costume change with a performance under an hour. and they didn't play all the songs off their album!

one twin is definitely more confident than the other. jess had all her moves down but i noticed lisa looked quite a lot at her sister's direction more than anything, then partially copy her moves. bad. you need to develop some of your own, girl! get some individuality happening!

the drummer was pretty good. pretty hard to see his facial features while sitting third from the back in the palais theatre. i love when the throw the drumstick(s) into the air or do some sort of trick with them. the only thing i enjoyed was the drummer...and maybe the lead guitarist. hmm...the drummer was a definite highlight.

frankly speaking, i much prefer men's voices when it comes to vocal aptitude. even falsettos. at least they don't have much of the piercing quality to it.

oh, and i will NEVER go to an all ages gig EVER AGAIN!! with the exception of if it is the only gig for one of my favourite bands available at the time of ticket purchase.

hmm....it didn't look too bad. pretty decent too.

but before i went for the shearers, i hacked his hair with some scissors. he did look like an emo boy. a fat emo boy. that doesn't work.

but he's pretty happy. it's probably the (first &) last time i'll ever do something to his hair.

my brother just asked me to cut his hair.

me with no hairdressing (/cutting) skills whatsoever.

we're going to get a shearing set after he finishes with the dishes...

...man, i hope it'll turn out alright. at least he won't be able to blame me if it doesn't.

something the world should never see

a grandma all decked out in a goth outfit complete with mesh shoes and spare tyres.

dear beautiful,

yes, you know who you are. thanks for the pickup last night. when it was announced that the next song would be a partners dance, we groaned. then i walked off the dance floor.

i made my way slowly back to my seat at an empty table. but as i walked past some guys, i did desperately wish someone would ask me to dance. maybe i walked back on the pretence of putting my camera away, i don't know.

i was feeling sorry for myself as i reached my chair, pull out my camera bag and put it away. but then you came up and did a little dance with me. it reminded me that my identity is in Christ and not men.

for that, i thank you. i hope you had a fun night.

i did too.

of flying trams and smoky scenes

ah, the commonwealth games. twelve days of horrendously packed trains, people wearing whiteturquoisefluroorange tops and huge identification tags.

i was one of the few thousand people who got the opportunity of being right there with all the fireworks, the flying tram and a duck. and the atmosphere is so amazingly different than watching it on tv. mexican waves went round the stadium at least twice nonstop, the second loudest cheers for the countries that had the smalles amount of people (the loudes went to the home team, of course!), standing ovations for the australian contingent, everyone singing the national anthem with such gusto, the oohs and ahhs...there's so much more. being there definitely was an opportunity of a lifetime. i can finally cross it off my list.

i don't think they broadcasted the preceremony entertainment, but there was a carpeted cricket pitch with wheelie bins for wickets. some old and notsoold cricketeers played a friendly backyard match. then we had the rehearsals we had to do like the countdown, when to stand for the national anthem and the turning on of the starlights we were given (they were free!!! oh, i'm so asian...) and we could actually hear the orchestrated cheering from the crowd on the yarra!

the night felt shorter than the time that passed and pretty soon, were were walking out the doors of the mcg and into the cool night. we had the option of either taking a tram to flinders st station, walking to richmond station or walking to jolimont station. we were going in the direction of the trams when we saw how packed it was trying to get in...so we ended up walking all the way to flinders street station (a good 20minutes). i'm glad we did because by the time we reached richmond station, the streets outside the station were packed with people trying to get onto the already crowded platforms. wow. i'm glad we walked the extra 10minutes.

what a night. by the time i got to bed it was 1am. and i looked like this picture on the right.

i'm going for the commonwealth opening ceremony tonight! can't wait. even the ticket looked cool with the authentication/security sticker on it. and i get to use public transport for free!! that's good except that i have a monthly ticket and i've kind of paid for my trip like last month. but it feels good not having to vaildate the ticket all the time.

next post will be all the pictures and words of experience. possibly drowsy halfslurred words.

on the train yesterday...

a phone conversation everyone can't help but eavesdrop in a crowded train at peak hour due to the loudness and the shrillness of this person's voice.

"you're lucky to get him!"
...
"what do you mean you don't want him??"
...
"he's a really good catch! i thought you liked him!"
...
"really?"
...
"okay, okay. look, do me a favour, okay?"
...
"can you introduce us?"
...
"tell him that you know someone perfect for him."
...
"well, if you don't want him, i'll take him!"
...
"i'm serious!!"

[after a long conversation of inconsequential stuff on work and meeting up and such]

"okay. i'll see talk to you later. i'm getting off."

life lessons

1. just because someone tells you to follow them doesn't mean they know where they're going.
2. even if you're naïve, you should try not to look naïve.
3. perfection cannot be achieved even after three rounds of editing.
4. monkey bars were not meant to be licked - especially during the winter.
5. when people are critiquing your work, they are not critiquing you.
6. sometimes you have to say no to the people you love.
7. you always produce a better result when you're well rested.
8. feelings cannot always be rationalised
9. if you're short, buy short jeans. you'll never get around to actually hemming the ones you keep saying you will.
10. be satisfied with the moment you're living in instead of longing for the satisfaction of the next.
11. taking out the garbage is essential to an odour free home.
12. God uses willing people, not capable ones.
13. never settle for second best.
14. long trips are good times to pray.
15. you will always look back at yourself three years ago and think you were a dork.
16. correcting people who aren't willing to be corrected is pointless.
17. don't eat if you're not hungry.
18. ...unless you're craving chocolate.
19. some guys do not return phonecalls if you leave too long a voicemail. it's better to say "hi, this is becca. give me a call," so they are actually curious about why you're calling and call you back.
20. when buying short jeans isn't an option, just accept your fate and settle for the fashion industry's idea of the average woman and buy the 32inch seam jeans anyway.
21. don't lie if you're holding the evidence.
22. or just don't lie.
23. well, it might be okay to lie if a fourtysomething bald man is hitting on you in a coffee shop.
24. life is not measured by how many people you dated in highschool.
25. if you're going over to someone's house and they live in a development area where all the houses look exactly the same, double check before walking in.
26. just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to immediately trust that person.
27. for some people, 'maturity' is always a destination yet to be reached.
28. if you want to talk about it, talk to mum.
29. if you want advice, talk to dad.
30. sometimes God spares you things - without your consent. you'll be grateful later.
31. even though a person showers gifts on you, it doesn't always meant that he/she truly loves you.
32. you won't lose your salvation if you get a tattoo.
33. don't go walking down dark alleys at night.
34. always take the scenic route.
35. everyone has a personality flaw.
36. hats are the fashion industry's solution to days when you don't feel like trying but still want people to say 'you look cute today'.
37. being in need is not a bad thing.
38. listening is way more important than talking.
39. if you're visiting another country, buy souvenirs that you'll actually use. no more of those eiffel tower keychains.
40. and finally, my friend jeff said, "life lessons are worthless without concrete application."

adapted from rebecca mayer

i'm finally back! so at 16.52 today, dan fixed the internet connection and i'm back!

so many things have happened since i last was here so:

FOCUS launch '06

leaders' initiation ranged from mild





[julie with girls' side/boys' side makeup]







to gross,




[ange and robby masquerading as asian robbers]








to the weird and sticky













[aaron covered in honey-dipped marshmellows] and [jeremy and max with dough faces]











[nick and his freshly waxed leg]











clayton rd street festival

how cute was little malachi? he had a second and third go on stage at the beatbox finals and he had to be carried off...twice.

and guess who i met? molly meldrum!! he was promoting bodyworks. when we (joe, teng and i) got there, the guys struck up a conversation with the gym owner while waiting for the mums to take pictures for their little kids. we were about to stand next to him when we got cut off by a little old lady. this happened not once, not twice, but FOUR TIMES!! then we finally got our photo. oh, and the owner dropped my camera. talk about a muscle man with butter fingers!

well, that summed up last weekend.

my internet has been down for a few days now and i'm posting from the medical computer labs. they have the new macs which are sooo cool!! anyway, i'll post when my internet comes back with photos of what i've been doing so stay tuned. in case you can't here's a joke to pass the time:

so bill gates died and was greeted by st. peter at the pearly gates. after a rather lengthy tour of heaven, st. peter finally brought him to his mansion, complete with a luxury swimming pool, a pristine tennis court and other luxury commodities. bill gates was very impressed.

one day while walking down the gold-paved pathway of heaven, he meets the captain of titanic. the captain invited him back to his mansion for dinner and proceeded to give him the tour of his house. the captain's abode was much more grand than his and he wondered why.

bill gates went to st. peter the next day and inquired about it.

"well," he said. "we use windows up here. the titanic only crashed once."

how to gain more sympathy than people who are willing to give it

method:

1. jar your middle finger of your dominant hand
• as i did on saturday at mikey's party while throwing tuan's rugby ball around.
2. put a compression bandage on and parade around outside for approximately a day.
3. try and flash it around into people's visual fields every thirty seconds or so
• i.e. by touching your head, adjusting your glasses, rubbing your nose, waving, etc.
4. respond with either 'oh, i jarred it throwing a rugby ball on the weekend' or 'oh, i jarred it playing rugby on the weekend'. respond with whichever phrase depending on your mood.
• technically, the latter is a white lie considering i don't know how to play rugby and there was no tackling involved.
  

result:

1. mostly with screwed up faces and a sympathy pat on the back.
2. (the best and the only response i got to the second phrase) 'aren't you a little small to be playing rugby?' from a total stranger.

conclusion:

even if you want to get more sympathy from a little white lie, you can't because people always find a way to yank you back down to earth so hard that you now walk around with a concussion.

desolation

time flies when one has company when travelling. in no time, they had to part; one knowing that bleakness will soon return.

happiness is a very subjective emotion.
- matt mcdonald

and another thing...

do you know the feeling of stepping outside after a weekend full of fun and powerpacked messages from your senior pastor, and knowing that your world hasn't changed but you have?

one of the things pastor ken talked about was encouragement and authenticity. there's not enough encouragement in the world and we pursue things that are superficial and irrelevant to our walk. he gave an example of a girl noticing a boy. she didn't noticed him for his good looks or his charm, but his passion and desire to serve his Lord with all his being.

i want to be noticed like that. i don't want people to take note of what i wear or how i look. i want people to see past what i'm doing (or trying to do) and see God's character in me. i don't want relationships that are sailing through the seas of superficiality. i want relationships that are doused and submerged in the depths of transparency and trust.

yesterday, there was a moment when i felt incredibly lonely. as i walked through the doors of the stairwell into the hallway of the second floor, i came across third year students sitting on the carpeted floor with their legs stretched out in front of them. as i stepped over them, the didn't even try to move their legs out of the way, causing me to tiptoe into the small crevices between their tangled legs. all they gave me were glances to see who it was that walked up to and past them. their eyes flickered towards at me and just as quickly, turned back to their conversations. i sat down and tried to look cool, as if i don't need anyone to talk to or friends, for that matter. but deep down, i wanted someone to ask me how my day was, someone who would go out of their way to make me feel part of their little group.

in retrospect, i can see that what i felt could easily have been someone else, multiplied a hundred times. it could be a person i sit next to on the train, someone i rush past on the way to the bus, someone standing next to me in the library.

pastor ken is right. encouragement is needed in the world.

who else to give it to them if not a follower of Christ?

vision camp

driving when you're tired is never a good idea. i had to fight of sleepiness and zoningouts for two hours while driving a carload of sleeping people back to church. how did i fight it? by turning up the music and singing to it. and ofcourse, being the petrolhead i am (thanks, chris...) driving at >110 kph in a 100 zone.

[rewind]

tap tap tap wack!

huh?

"i can't see."

"it's quarter to seven. time to wake up."

"oh, thanks."

...

"um, isn't the vow of silence supposed to last till communion?"

...

meh.

---

we had a grand total of five hours of free time after lunch on the saturday so onto the giant swing and flying fox we went. i ended up getting sunburnt/windburnt on twothirds of my face. i think it's more wind than sun because it doesn't hurt at all...not until i forget i have a surface injury to my face and i scratch it.

i haven't heard ps ken preach for a while (mostly due to the fact that i go to gravitate) and i forget how inspiring he is. it makes me want to get up in the middle of his message and run to do what i'm supposed to do. i guess this year i have to work especially hard in growing spiritually and in my studies.

all i can do is try my best and trust that God will take me the rest of the way.

australia day

i love the smell of the saltiness of the sea, the feeling of sand between my toes and the waves that push me off balance in the deeper waters. oh, and i can't forget throwing debris from the sea (i.e. bits of kelp and green things) at the boys.

with weather predicted to be in the fourties, i was glad that it was under fourty degrees. i had my first sun bake yesterday. it didn't last long. between the actual baking and running into the water to cool off, it lasted for about half an hour. i'm trying to get rid of my previous sunburned mark of both shoulders from my holiday in tasmania.

went home when i finally got tired to playing in the sea.

my night consisted of vibrating clothes and ears were filled with yellow foam. i'm talking about anberlin. ange and i got a front row standing position (the place where you can catch all the bodily fluids from the the people on stage) and it was great! but i don't think ange enjoyed the jostling and surge of people pushing forward to get a grip of the band members (neither did i. i tried pushing back so i don't get bruises on my thighs that were against the stage). there was a drunk girl who went on stage and jumped of expecting people to catch her (she landed on her feet, thankfully) but everyone parted and she caught me across my throat with her arm as she fell. that was during one of the support acts. then she went at it again climbing over everyone's heads to get on stage when anberlin was going. i really don't like people who ruin the show like that.

[joseph and stephen]

i said hi and talked to all the band members this time. it's really encouraging to see a person living in the world, but is not of the world. stephen, the lead singer, is going on a mission trip to build an ophranage in haiti.

[knate]

i'm looking forward to them coming back in september/october. they have so much onstage energy!

some clarification is needed

wearing a skirt does NOT equate to being girly, anita!

in my dictionary, being girly is defined as dressing up, um, in a dress or some lacey skirt or top along with the hair and face all dolled up, topped with dangling earrings and heels.

and the four and half hours is just an estimated average of the length of time i can stay in act of being girly. so you CAN see me for more than four and half hours in a dress or lacey skirt or top with makeup and heels. just after that fourish hours, i become a punky emoish person trapped in the clothes of a...[insert something here because i don't know what to call what i wear].

we are the hollow men
we are the stuffed men

- t.s. elliot

my first digital camera

well, contrary to what everyone (you) thinks, the current camera i'm using is NOT mine, but my dad's. i just hog it. i've been wanting to get one for a while because one camera can't just be split into two and be expected to function properly.

the picture is a bit blury but it's a canon ixus 55. i haven't started on it because it comes with a memory card with only sixteen megabyte capacity. my 'real' memory card will touch town in melbourne on wednesday, 25th of january, packed in the almost empty bag of my best friend who's spending part of her summer holidays here before going to the land of kiwis to indulge in her father's dream.

can't wait.

thirty seconds in the life of a gravitate musician

...king of glory, God of wonder...

okay. string bit coming up. get ready to change.

...keeper of my heart...

what was it again? oh, yeah. PD003. am i on the right key? (takes four miliseconds to recall) yes, it's the right key.

...lover of my soul...

[string bit] tadadum, tadadum, tadadadadahdum...

...My God, how wonderful you are...

oh, CRAP! (face heating up) okay, okay. try to cover up here. two notes, lower the volume, change sound and pretend nothing out of the ordinary happened. (looks behind and sees R with a huge grin plastered on his face. faces forwards and try not to look T in the eye.)

the new kitchen...

...is well on its way to completion. all the drawers and cupboards along with their glossily matted handles were finished. the sawdust covered the floor from the kitchen to the laundry and hallway. it was hard not to gag or sneeze when the dust rose into my nostrils as i swept them up. tomorrow, the plasterer is coming fix the top of the cupboards (the area near the ceiling) so there'll be a whole lot more cleaning to do.

the marble benchtop is going to take approximately two weeks to arrive so we're making do with a cheap plastic table cover (in the lower right corner) to protect it till it arrives. right now, we're debating on where to put the jugs and cups.

the perils of bubble tea

'this drink is lethal!' exclaimed dan as he swallowed a pearl whole.

gravitate recording day 3: DONE!

we were all lethargically tired from concentrating on getting everything right and everything done. everyone of us had a liedown at some point during the day. i think the rush is because p's going back to work on monday and he wouldn't have time to record all the instruments. the only thing left to do are the vocals which i think will take about a night each or a whole saturday at his place. but the keys are all done and we're happy with it (yay!)

i can't wait till the finished and refine product comes out. which reminds me; i need to get the new planetshakers album.

gravitate recording day 2

chee came today and i'm amazed to see how much he's recovered from chemo and radiotherapy. he ate a whole bowl of spaghetti (as he reported and shiftily confirmed by joshi) and was jumping around while we were recording his parts.

okay, so the keyboard parts didn't all get finished today. after much deliberation and experimentation, we decided we should include cello in one of our songs because the cello sound on the triton didn't sound too good. our celloist is coming on our last day...which is tomorrow. only two more songs to go for me!